Sometimes scary is beautiful too
I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
—Mark Twain
"What do you want to draw next week? Let's pick something out together."
My mom, an art teacher, posed the question as her seven-year-old student colored finishing touches on the glossy, gold-tipped dragon wings.
"Godzilla!!" He exclaimed immediately.
"Godzilla?" My mom answered, "Are you sure you want to draw something so scary??" (My mother does not like to draw monsters but will make compromises with her students).
"Sometimes scary is beautiful too," he said matter-of-factly, and continued rattling off other creatures he wanted to bring to life.
Sometimes scary is beautiful too.
I've been trying to channel my inner seven-year-old boy and remember this when I notice my fears. Instead of running from monsters these days, I acknowledge that they're scary, sit with that discomfort, and proceed to move forward, however small those baby steps might be.
As Elizabeth Gilbert states in Big Magic, I finally realized that my fear was boring. She writes:
I noticed that my fear never changed, never delighted, never offered a surprise twist or an unexpected ending. My fear was a song with only one note— only one word, actually— and that word was "STOP!" ...my fear always made predictably boring decisions, like a choose-your-own-ending-book that always had the same ending: nothingness.
I know what letting my fear win looks like. As I embrace my creativity and venture into the unknown, I'd rather build my identity around something beyond my panic reflexes.
What about you? Is there anything you're not doing because it's uncomfortable or because you're scared of judgment, shame, or failure? What if you told yourself that it's okay to have that uncomfortable conversation or do that thing you've been avoiding? Perhaps, just perhaps, it'll be okay after all.
Much light and love,
Amy
et cetera
In case you need a little more guidance in working with fear— Fear-setting is one of my favorite exercises by Tim Ferris.
also was so happy to see these lil babies- spring is here yay 🌸
📚 reading
‘Where I got it wrong’: The Wing’s Audrey Gelman confronts the realities of rapid growth. Excited to see more transparency and vulnerability here, especially acknowledging the power of storytelling:
“The only way to make real progress is to change how the story gets told.”
and learning! and unlearning!
Ryan Orbuch who works with climate at Stripe wrote a beginner's guide to carbon removal. If you only have one takeaway, let it be that we need to both reduce emissions AND remove previous emissions from the sky. Also, my nerdy permaculture self was so happy to see biochar featured here :')
Upon many recommendations, I finally read Circe by Madeline Miller and it very much lived up to the hype. Some of my favorite quotes:
I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, I thought, too dull to fly even when the door stands open.
A golden cage is still a cage.
You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you.
It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in moment’s carelessness. If I had ever believed it, I no longer did.
🖊 writing
Background for the newcomers— I’m writing a book with the working title of Reclaiming Control: Looking Inward to Recalibrate Your Life. If you have any thoughts or stories surrounding mindfulness or emotional intelligence, I’d love to hear them.
I turned in a very rough, very imperfect first draft manuscript to my editor on Monday 🎉 Will be continuing to expand and iterate in the coming months.
That's all till next Wednesday, thanks for reading 💛Reply to this email with any thoughts or simply to say hi!
If any of this resonated with you, feel free to share or subscribe below to keep up with more musings. You can read past letters here.