“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
🎶Recommended background music while you read this: Tomorrow by Miner - this song was in the soundtrack to a breathwork session this week and I've been listening to it on repeat since. I know I'm all about mindfulness and being in the moment, but sometimes being in the present means being aware that hope still exists.
Hey, how are you?
Let's get back to the basics. Are you sleeping enough? drinking water? eating regularly? getting some movement in?
Instead of consuming the news all day every day, I've been trying to intentionally prioritize NEWS:
Nutrition. Exercise. Water. Sleep.
If we're all grieving, to me it feels as if last week's stage was depression, and this week has been acceptance. Bargaining shows up every now and then. Some people are still in denial. Hopefully everyone who can be is in physical (not social!) isolation as much as possible 🙃. And sometimes it feels like I'm going through every stage every day as well.
Starting ten days ago, I've been meeting with a mindfulness group every single day. Almost all of us are in different countries, so it's been fascinating to share experiences from all around the world, from Italy to Sweden to Indonesia to Australia. The first day we cried; yesterday, we couldn't stop laughing.
I was okay when I voluntarily put myself in personal uncertainty and chaos nine months ago. I learned how to deal with anxiety, how to do nothing, and how to maintain connections remotely. It's been tough being okay when the world is involuntarily joining me in these states. I've been interested in personal and collective emotions for a long time now, but I didn't know the world would be giving me such tangible case studies in this way.
As someone who used to undergo bouts of pretty intense depersonalization, I have to be really careful to manage my mind carefully to process and be present. No, this isn't a dream. This is real. It was one thing when I was checking in on my family in China a couple months ago— it’s another when they’re checking in on us and everyone else in the world as well.
I don't know about you, but I fluctuate between trying to maintain normalcy to being grateful for my situation to worrying and feeling guilty about anything and everything.
A little peek inside my mind // my responses to myself over the last two weeks:
my day to day doesn't change at all- what am I all worked up about. can I just be grateful // do you have any empathy at all— IT ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU.
what about my almost eight months pregnant sister. what about my mom's art students' families who mainly run Chinese restaurants. what about anyone in the restaurant industry.
WHY did my book campaign have to start now // you committed to publishing a book in July and you are following through.
wait did I drink any water today? // water your plants too, they're all going to die just like you
what about my junior prom date who just got assigned to be a nurse in a COVID19 specific unit. what about my friend's wine bar. // why do you only care when you know people affected — you should care regardless.
am I feeling feverish or did I just drink too much soup?
the poor high school and college seniors. where are the international kids in university going to stay throughout this time?? or others who can't go home?
Everything is going to be okay. Breathe.
*tries to breathe* do I have congestion or is it just allergies? do I have shortness of breath or is it anxiety???
I catch myself spiraling. I bring myself back.
Every time I catch myself, I remind myself that it's the same muscle I train during mindfulness. It's why I have a meditation practice— so I can catch myself, over and over again.
I'm more aware of my privilege more than ever. We might be going through the same storm, but we are not all in the same boat. Some people are on luxury ships, perhaps feeling waves with slight disruptions, but nothing even close to detrimental. Others are in a sailboat, perhaps with tangled sails or without any sails at all. Others are barely holding on to a piece of driftwood.
I'm only staying afloat because of the combination of internal and external systems I've built with the skills I've put into place in the last however many years.
James Clear wrote the following this week:
In times of uncertainty, your habits can ground you. As someone who has written about habits for many years, I'd like to encourage you to stick to your routines in whatever way you can during this period. When you feel restless, do a 1-minute workout. When you feel overwhelmed, practice a minute of mindfulness or deep breathing. When the world seems uncontrollable, focus on what you can control. Return to your habits. The truth is everyone is building new habits right now. Whenever there is a big change in your environment there will be a big change in your behavior.
I'd like to emphasize the building new habits, and deemphasize the stick to your routines. Perhaps you're realizing that your old routines aren't going to work in this new way of living.
When the world seems uncontrollable, focus on what you can control.
As Gandalf said, "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
This is NOT a push to be "productive". Anyone who has been reading what I write long enough knows that I'm the biggest advocate of doing nothing 🙌🏼But the true type of nothing. Not guilty procrastination. Not mindless scrolling on social media. More play and guiltless rest.
This is simply a nudge for us to be aware of what we are doing. There are a lot of free online classes / events going on right now, but all of that's gotten pretty overwhelming. Ironically, my introvert self needs a bit of stepping back— my calendar last week was probably the fullest it's been all of 2020.
What will we do with the time that is given to us?
My answer looks like this: I'm going to be gentle and compassionate with myself and others. I'm going to do myself a favor and not over-consume social media or the news. I'm going to call friends, sleep, drink tea, write, paint my feelings, and take walks. What are you going to do?
Take care,
Amy
et cetera
To those who expressed interest in mindfulness last letter, look out for a notice next week in your inbox! If you missed it, here it is again:
If you have any interest in joining meditation challenges or online mindfulness group sessions, you can click the link below to fill out a 30 second form to stay in the loop 🤗
📚 reading
As for fiction, I finished Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman, a book about the importance of friendship and human connection. Some quotes I enjoyed (and might be relevant in light of the current context):
I suppose one of the reasons we're all able to continue to exist for our allotted span in this green and blue vale of tears is that there is always, however remote it might seem, the possibility of change.
If someone asks you how you are, you are meant to say FINE. You are not meant to say that you cried yourself to sleep last night because you hadn't spoken to another person for two consecutive days. FINE is what you say.
These days, loneliness is the new cancer— a shameful, embarrassing thing, brought upon yourself in some obscure way. A fearful, incurable thing, so horrifying that you dare not mention it; other people don't want to hear the word spoken aloud for fear that they might too be afflicted, or that it might tempt fate into visiting a similar horror upon them.
Not Boring Newsletter by Packy. Last week, he rounded up a bunch of really cool examples of people coming together online. A personal favorite is this beach scene made by coloring cells in this google spreadsheet.
🖊 book updates
Background for the newcomers— I’m writing a book with the working title of Reclaiming Control: Looking Inward to Recalibrate Your Life slated for publication in July 2020.
If you haven't pre-ordered yet, you can do so below for the next 24 days. All contributions beyond the $4000 baseline to publish will be going towards a COVID19 related cause.
I'm playing around with adding chapters based on current events...still seeing how much I can manage, but we'll see how it goes.
I was planning to have a book / workshop tour in the fall regarding Reclaiming Control skills. Since that's all up in the air, I've moved up my timeline and am going to start online workshops and programming around mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habits in the next month.
📱 experimenting
Some of you caught the podcast I linked almost a month ago now lol. So for an official announcement— my friend Ramiro and I launched a project called Phoneaholics Anonymous. It's a weekly podcast where we share a quick tip on how to effectively manage phone / technology usage. We then try the tip that week ourselves and reflect on how it went for us the next week as well.
Last week, we talked about actively scheduling technology / phone times. So in my calendar, I actually blocked in "phone time" a couple times a day. When that half an hour was up, I respected those boundaries and put my phone in my closet, out of reach. Even though I wasn't perfect at sticking with this, it made me a lot more mindful about my mindless phone consumption — something that's affecting me more negatively than ever these days, for obvious reasons.
Ramiro has been living at a Zen Buddhist center for the last twenty years while also studying computer science and math (plus he has a PhD in bioinformatics) and is much more disciplined than I am. If you're interested in hearing more about our weekly experiences, feel free to subscribe to the podcast / let me know if you try anything! You can listen to it anywhere you listen to podcasts (Apple, Spotify, Stitcher - does anybody actually use Stitcher?, etc).
🎥 watching
I've been watching fun, familiar movies that make me feel safe. Last week was Spy Kids and Big Fat Liar. I'm thinking Ratatouille or Moana this week. I'm not watching TV right now but if I were, I'd be rewatching Gilmore Girls or random episodes of Friends.
That's all, thanks for reading 💛Wishing you all the light, love, safety, and health.
If any of this resonated with you, feel free to share or subscribe below to keep up with more musings. You can read past letters here. If you want to chat about anything, anything at all, feel free to reply to this email or schedule a time here.