What would this look like if it were easy and fun?
Hi there :)
Welcome to one of my favorite questions to date. I've used it with projects, with friendships, with travel, with small and big decisions alike.
I introduced this question to my class last week during a seemingly daunting project.
I didn’t expect that people would immediately apply it in their everyday lives. With his permission, I’ve included a classmate’s story below, slightly modified for clarity:
Amy’s statement made me realize I’ve been gripping the handlebars pretty tight for say, oh about the past four years. Ok, white knuckle tight. With everything I’ve been doing, whether personal or professional.
This became readily apparent to me even more so during our group’s session - I looked at my blank screen and felt a pit in my stomach.
And, this pit in my stomach, I’ve realized it’s been there for quite a long time.
Last night my wife and I volunteered at “Bingo Night” for my son’s school as bartenders. In the land of counter service, there’s a certain feeling that happens as groups of humans approach en masse and form an expectant line (or in this case a confused but thirsty milieu) - in that moment one has a choice in how to respond. Panic? Anger? Grumpy? Fear?
Fun?
The fascinating part is the choice one makes in that moment actually, truly, defines reality.
I’d worked in this environment before, been in this situation before; last night I instinctively let go of the handlebars.
I picked those suckers off one by one. I made them laugh. I tried to sell drinks (they were free) for cash under the table. It’s a Catholic school so when I offered this to the parish administrator I told her it was for tithing. I tried to get people to do shots. I tried to sell “bombs” where one drops the shot in the beer and pounds it down. When I screwed up or spilled I told them I meant to do that so I could talk to them longer.
Obviously, a certain amount of adeptness is required to push a boundary appropriately, and I’ve realized, or remembered, that I have that skill…coupled with the ability to be mentally carefree in the moment…coupled with the ability to read a situation and respond appropriately based on instinct rather than over thinking, worry, concern, or anxiety.
The best part is these skills are infectious - they change the customer and the team, they’re people glue. Subsequently they are joyous to experience, to have emanate from me.
And when a few people gave me that blank look of reproachfulness I could hear my inner voice say, “Hey when you’re swinging for the fences they can’t all be home runs.”
Resilience? Maybe “Being The Board?”
I think I may be realizing, or remembering, that I can define my reality and help people define theirs. I’m not really sure what that will look like moving forward but I’m certain this is a good thing.
I think I may be realizing, or remembering, that I can define my reality and help people define theirs. How awesome is that???
So often we're wrapped up in the perceived seriousness of an issue that we forget to bring joy and possibility to it. It's hard to get ourselves out of what we think to be the magnitude of what's in front of us.
Sure, there might be some limits to this approach, but it's a great way to at least get your mind thinking from a different, more opportunistic outlook. Knowing how to have fun, how to make up games, and how to take yourself less seriously are underrated skills these days.
Try it out for yourself! Next time you’re tasked with something you’re feeling dread or anxious about, play a little game with your mind and entertain the possibility of what the thing could look like if it were easy and fun. You might just think of some ways to actually make it less dreadful than you initially thought it was going to be.
Much light and love,
Amy
et cetera
Check out Spend With Them, ways to directly support small businesses that are suffering from the fires in Australia.
📚 reading
Knowing me well, my sister sent me this article on the empty promises of Marie Kondo and the minimalism craze. This summed it up for me:
On one hand there was the facade of minimalism: its brand and visual appearance. On the other was the unhappiness at the root of it all, caused by a society that tells you more is always better. Every advertisement for a new thing implied that you should dislike what you already had. It took Andersen a long time to understand the lesson: “There was really nothing wrong with our lives at all.”
A large part of what I've been working on recently has been sitting with negative feelings as well as understanding opposing viewpoints. Brain Pickings beautifully highlighted the nondualistic process of turning "the negative into a generative place" through the work of M.C. Richards in the Art of Centering:
The hardest and most rewarding lesson has been to learn to experience antipathy objectively, with warmth. For antipathy follows a gesture of separating, and the goal, which is to be both separate and connected, requires that one move inwardly in opposite directions. Toward self-definition and toward community. Toward ethical individualism and toward social justice. It is this fusing of the opposites that Centering enables.
🖊 writing
Background for any newcomers— I’m writing a book (slated for publication in July 2020 🤞) on taking control of your life, with foundations of mindfulness and emotional intelligence. If you have any thoughts or stories surrounding those topics, I’d love to hear them.
This week I’m working more on overall structure and grouping what I’ve written so far into chapters. It’s been rewarding (and frustrating) to map it all together.
👀 watching
why the "having it all" concept is stupid and distracting via Julia Roberts and Michelle Obama
That's all, thanks for reading 💛As always, I’d love to hear any and all thoughts!
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