Changing the world
what it means to make impact, the prescribed path to success, and looking inward
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
-Anne Frank
I've tried to write this for a long time now, avoiding it because I continue to feel a lack of clarity and I don't have all the answers.
So what the following will hopefully be is an introduction to my thought process around what it means to "change the world", provide positive impact, and the concept of work. Fair warning: it’s long, and slightly filled with contradictions and thoughts from every end of the spectrum. Bear with me. It’s not quite polished and poised, but it is honest and real. Most of all, it is an invitation for you to dig a little deeper into all of this as well (and hopefully reply to this and share those thoughts ☺️)
Last month, I went to the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam (not once, but twice lol). What I loved most about the museum is that they take you through the journey of who Anne was, and make her truly human and relatable. Anne was a young girl with real thoughts and dreams, many of which I recognized within myself.
I've always had my heart set on improving the world. I wrote countless scholarship and college essays focused around the theme of "changing the world— one step at a time." I had grandiose dreams of devoting myself to public service. From a young age, I devoted many hours towards volunteering— teaching young girls English and Mandarin, playing music for those with Alzheimer's, participating in local government. I always knew it was the “right thing to do” and most of the time, genuinely enjoyed doing them as well.
In college, I learned about social entrepreneurship and sustainable energy, hoping to find an intersection of something that filled both the money bank and the soul bank. I discovered impact investing in college and even did my entire thesis on it (which made me somewhat disillusioned, but that's another story).
My last year of college, I realized that I had been compartmentalizing my life into different boxes. Much like what I wrote about in my first letter on identity/context surrounding friendships, I had a box for my business and technology focused career path, one for an environmentalist and sustainable lifestyle, another for social entrepreneurship ideas, and yet another for music and art— a box I had put on the back burner while I told myself I had no time for it.
All of that's fine and well and good; I've prided myself on being a diverse and eclectic individual. The problem was that I was lacking alignment with my personal definition of success— my values, intentions, actions, and outcomes were all over the place.
I did all of this, consciously realized the above and I still went to work for a private equity firm after graduating, allured by the immediate six figure salary, the ease and security of the recruitment process, and the prestigious stamp on my resume.
To say the least, there was a strong, cognitive dissonance as to what I thought my life's work was supposed to be versus what path I thought I had to take to get there.
I beat myself up for a while, thinking that I was exactly what was wrong with society. In some ways, I was. I was a product of the prescribed path to success— until I quit. I wasn't burnt out from my job, I was burnt out from life, from the path I set myself on ever since I can remember.
Here’s what Casey Gerald said in an interview with Vanity Fair:
"We’ve been prescribed a path to success—certain things we have to do or certain people we have to be—but the cost of that prescription is ourselves. So many of the ways we’re taught to live are killing us...I’m trying to divest ourselves from the belief that our worth, our basic human value, is tied to institutions and spaces which were not designed for us to be free or to thrive."
Now you may read the quote above and take away that the message is to not follow the prescribed path and thus not work for such institutions. Mine initially was, until I dug a little deeper. Our worth, our basic human value, is tied to institutions and spaces which were not designed for us to be free or to thrive. Wow. What if we held our worth internally? What would that look like?
So I stopped feeling bad about that cognitive dissonance, and reframed to define my worth on my own terms instead. Perhaps it's simply rationalization (not sure if I'll ever know the difference between "truth" and convincing myself of something, not sure if it's useful going down that rabbit trail too long), but I know that my short-lived career in corporate life was what I needed at the time.
We shame companies for not having enough women or people of color, then shame those individuals for working for such companies. We judge families for not making ends meet, then in turn judge parents for selling out.
What really stood out to me last summer was when I went to several conferences for people from low-income backgrounds, I was never shamed for starting in a lucrative position, nor for leaving it. There were so many people there who started out with nonprofit or social impact jobs and were looking to switch jobs because they simply had to make more money.
What I did learn was to “secure the bag” first. Just like what we hear with self care and the whole idea of pouring from a full cup and putting on your own oxygen mask first before others— you are not in the best situation to help others if you're broke or know nothing about power dynamics. It’s about becoming self sustainable— and in our current society, financial sustainability is closely tied to mental and emotional sustainability.
It's okay if you want to be rich. I do too. I want to have enough money so that I never have to think about money again*. How do you break the cycle of poverty? I did by getting an education and a job that pays $$$.
*What I really want is to live in an equitable society that doesn't require making a certain amount of money to be secure, but I'm working with what I have, as we all are.
It is a difficult and delicate balance though— it's easy to lose sight of who you are if you’re immersed in certain cultures and not careful about cultivating a strong internal locus of control.
For myself, I knew that the "one day one day one day" I constantly told myself was a lie. With each working moment focused solely on profit, I felt my soul slipping away (dramatic but not sure how to put it any other way).
That might look different for you. Your definition of impact might be different. You might be growing and learning skills that you will carry with you to whatever you do. You might be mentoring people and helping others grow. You might be working with a wonderful team. You might be paying your bills or paying off student loans or simply saving money and right now, that's all that matters. And that's okay, as long as you're not lying to yourself.
Because while we applaud those who are doing amazing things working in social and environmental impact, it is also important to recognize that there is so much privilege that comes with going off the prescribed path / pursuing dreams / social impact. If you have that privilege, I implore you to use it wisely and not shame anyone else who might be on a different path.
With that said, I'd invite you to question the path that you've set for yourself. Who was that prescribed by? Did you truly choose it for yourself? If yes, amazing. Keep on doing you.
If not, why are you on that path? Do you have a really good reason? Is that reason good enough? Do you have a little voice inside your head that tells you the life you're living doesn't feel like your own? What if you treated that voice with curiosity and compassion, instead of shame and judgment?
I've been hesitant to put my thoughts out there because I can already hear other people's voices (Traditional success friends: Just work hard and make money and do what you want with it later. Permaculture / hippie friends: What do you need money for? Live on the land and produce all of your own food and resources. Liberal / socialist friends: lol capitalism) So instead of getting distracted by external voices, I looked inward.
From Robert Pirsig, author of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:
"The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there."
I think about what Casey Gerald said a lot in response to critiques about his memoir There Will be No Miracles Here not giving any answers. He said he did, but they just weren't answers you wanted to hear, with one of them being meditation and looking inward. I agree. If I can stay up an extra hour to watch You and Penn Badgley be creepy, I can spend twenty minutes a day in silence listening to myself.
So no, I haven't reached clarity yet. I've been trying to work on myself. While I do, I've been realizing how my "self" consists of so much more. It's the habits and mindsets I've learned and inherited from my family, it's coming from a low income / marginalized background in the United States, navigating an immigrant-ish mentality, but also being being part of the privileged poor. It's recognizing where I came from, what I’ve picked up along the way, and deciding with intention what I want to unlearn and what I want to do moving forward.
I guess I wrote 1,714 words to simply say: do what you want, but know what you want. The caveat is that knowing what you want is very difficult. Don't lie to yourself. Make the effort to be honest and not simply rationalize whatever it is you're doing. Or if that's not possible, know that we can rationalize anything, so make sure you're telling yourself the right story to push you into alignment.
This has all been a bit deep and perhaps a lot at once, so here’s a simple question for you: what is one thing you can do to improve your own life, or someone else's life today? Wash your roommate's dishes? Smile at a coworker? Smile at yourself? Stretch for five minutes? Buy a homeless person a sandwich? Be patient with your mother?
Changing the world doesn't have to be a huge, daunting thing, it can start with the tiniest things we do in the everyday moments ☺️
And finally, I'll leave you with this, an epitaph attributed to an unknown monk in 1100 AD. I'm sure you've heard it before, but here it is for good measure:
When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town.
I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.
My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
Much light and love,
Amy
et cetera
I saw this and am really trying to channel this energy into the new year. It's silly, obvious, yet amazingly profound at the same time.
📚 reading
I've been reading a lot of non-fiction for the altMBA, which kicked off for me this week. One of my favorites has been the Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander. I might be biased because it uses beautiful analogies of music and orchestra throughout it and reminded me how much I appreciate my musical training and background.
I came across two beautiful, illustrated pieces— one if you're a tea person, or another if you prefer coffee— by Candace Rose Rardon, a sketch artist and writer who has written stories for the National Geographic, the Calm app, Lonely Planet, among others. So many of her thoughts around travel and home (a concept I think about a lot) hit hard, especially these two:
"In a life of constant movement, home had changed for me and change itself had become home."
"I have lived everywhere, but the most important place I have learned to live is here."
🖊 writing
My first big deadline for my editor for pure word content is this Sunday, January 12th! In line with what I wrote about here, I've been writing a lot on my personal experiences with mindfulness and meditation.
📱 experimenting
Since coming out of holiday mode, I've been trying to decrease my phone usage, especially right before I sleep and after I wake up. I've been using iPhone's Downtime feature for a while, which is helpful, but this week I turned on Communication Limits so I can't view any texts / calls during my Downtime (set from 9PM-7AM), except from a select few people. Unlike Downtime on restricted apps, where you can easily ignore the time limits with a click of a button, you actually have to go into Settings to bypass the restrictions set around Communication Limits. It's only been three days but I've found it useful so far!
👀 watching
In the words of Emily Atkin from Heated, (if you haven't noticed she's where I get most of my climate news from):
The Sunrise Movement —the grassroots, youth-led climate group that helped popularize the Green New Deal —released a video called “How We’re Going To WIN.” It’s about the group’s story and activism strategy, and helps explain why it’s been so successful in the climate politics world in such a short amount of time. It’s meant to be an inspirational thing.
Sunrise wants to use this video as a momentum-builder; something to motivate people to get off their couches and into the streets. Cheesy inspirational music aside, I think it might work. I totally got a little emotional and fired up by the end.
Next up to have actionable steps that people can truly get behind.
That's all, thanks for reading 💛Please respond with any and all thoughts, I would love to continue conversations around this topic and many more.
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